It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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