would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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