did you get engaged???
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
