I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
