It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
