you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize