he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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