sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
