ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
