i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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