Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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