your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
