I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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