this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
my liver is dry heaving
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
