I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
