That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
