can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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