Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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