Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Randomize
