Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize
