Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
