On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
