On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
