I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize