Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
