I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
