I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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