I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize