Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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