I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
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