things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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