perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
