I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
