i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
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