why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
