i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
pop tarts are not kleenex
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
