Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
