I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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