People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
