Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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