singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
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