Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
