you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Still dying that you shit outside
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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