not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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