sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize