It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
