I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
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