We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
All the doctor said was why
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
