He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
