I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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