Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
