dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
