we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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