I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
