i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
