Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i think my cat just said my name.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
