Don't make out with my wife yet
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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