I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize