I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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