he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
