..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
