Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
