Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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