i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
