Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
