She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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