once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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