I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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