how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
