it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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