My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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