Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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