I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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