I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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