Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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