Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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