That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
