He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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