We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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