I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
