i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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