I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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